Keeping All Ages Engaged: Supporting Siblings During a Hospital Stay
When your child is hospitalized, life can feel completely disrupted. While all the focus naturally shifts to the child needing medical care, it’s equally important to think about their siblings. Whether you’re managing a toddler, an elementary-aged child, or a teenager, balancing the needs of all your children during this time can feel overwhelming. Siblings often experience feelings of confusion, jealousy, fear, or even guilt during these moments, and it’s crucial to offer them the support they need.
As parents of a child with CHD, my wife and I have experienced firsthand how hospital stays can impact everyone in the family. Our son’s medical needs demand a lot of attention, but we also have a 14-month-old daughter who requires care and engagement. Diana, my wife, was a talented preschool teacher before our first child was born, and we’ve both worked with children across different age groups.
In this post, we’re drawing from our own experiences, research, and expert resources to provide strategies for supporting siblings of all ages during a sibling’s hospital stay. Whether you are managing a toddler or a teen, we hope these tools and tips will help you support your family through these challenging times.
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Understanding the Emotional Needs of Siblings
Siblings often experience complex emotions when their brother or sister is hospitalized. Younger children may feel confused or scared, while older children might feel angry or guilty. It’s common for siblings to act out, withdraw, or regress in behavior when their sibling is in the hospital.
To help siblings cope, it’s important to provide honest, age-appropriate explanations and allow them to ask questions. Keeping them informed can help dispel any misconceptions they may have about their sibling’s condition and help them feel more secure in a situation that can otherwise feel overwhelming. Finding ways to involve siblings in their brother or sister’s care—such as by visiting the hospital or helping prepare for the sibling’s return home—can foster a sense of inclusion and alleviate feelings of jealousy.
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Handling Common Questions from Siblings
Siblings of hospitalized children often ask tough questions that can be difficult for parents to answer. Here are a few examples and tips for responding in an age-appropriate way:
• “Will my sibling get better?”
Be honest but hopeful. For example, say, “The doctors and nurses are doing everything they can to help your sibling get better, but it might take some time.”
• “Can I get sick too?”
Reassure your child. You might say, “No, you won’t get sick from what your sibling has. Everyone’s body is different.”
• “Why do they get all the attention?”
Acknowledge the feeling and explain. You could respond, “I know it feels like your sibling is getting a lot of attention right now because they need extra help. But we love both of you equally.”
Giving siblings space to ask these questions and providing thoughtful, honest responses can help them better understand the situation and feel more secure during a challenging time.
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Engaging Toddlers and Preschoolers
(Ages 1-4)
Emotional Support:
Toddlers thrive on routine, and disruptions caused by hospital stays can be particularly unsettling for them. Simple rituals—such as reading the same books, listening to familiar music, or ensuring naps happen at the same time each day—can help toddlers feel more grounded.
Activities:
Keeping toddlers engaged during hospital visits or while at home can be a challenge, but familiar toys and activities can help. We create a “comfort kit” with toys, books, and stuffed animals to bring to the hospital. Role-playing hospital experiences with toys can also help toddlers process what’s happening with their siblings.
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Engaging Elementary-Aged Children
(Ages 5-11)
Elementary-aged children often experience a mix of curiosity, fear, and jealousy when a sibling is in the hospital. They may worry that they too will get sick, or they might feel overlooked as attention shifts to their sibling’s medical needs.
Emotional Support:
For this age group, honesty is key. Children in this stage appreciate being part of the conversation. Keeping them involved in small decisions, such as what toys to bring or allowing them to help pack for hospital visits, makes them feel included and valued. Scheduling tours of the hospital with siblings when possible can ease their concerns.
Activities:
Elementary-aged children benefit from having structured activities to keep them engaged. Bring along puzzle books, crafts, or interactive games to the hospital. Encouraging them to make cards or gifts for their hospitalized sibling also helps them stay connected during the hospital stay.
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Engaging Preteens and Teenagers
(Ages 12-18)
Teenagers and preteens often struggle with feelings of isolation when a sibling is hospitalized. Many teens become more independent during these times, but they may also feel overwhelmed by the emotional strain.
Emotional Support:
Teenagers often need to be reassured that it’s okay to feel a range of emotions. Encourage them to express their feelings, but also respect their need for privacy. For this age group, allowing them to take control of how involved they want to be can help them process the situation. Staying connected to their sibling through texting or social media can help them feel involved, even when they’re not physically present.
Activities:
Technology can play a big role in helping teens cope. Let them use social media, gaming, or journaling as emotional outlets. For more creative teens, activities like writing, drawing, or even starting a blog about their experiences can help manage their emotions. Volunteering or advocating in ways related to their sibling’s care can also give them a sense of purpose.
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The Transition from Hospital to Home
The emotional complexity doesn’t end when a child leaves the hospital. Returning home can present new challenges, as routines may need to be adjusted and siblings may have lingering concerns. Here are a few tips to help with the transition:
• Continue communication: Ensure siblings are informed about what to expect as their brother or sister recovers at home.
• Reestablish routines: Get back into familiar family routines as quickly as possible to create a sense of normalcy.
• Offer reassurance: Keep an open dialogue with your children about any concerns or fears they may still have.
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Call to Action: Share Your Experience
We understand how isolating and overwhelming it can feel to balance the needs of a sick child and their siblings. Have you been through a similar experience? What strategies worked for your family? We encourage you to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below or reach out through support groups. By sharing, you may help another family facing similar challenges.
Additionally, if you’re looking for more support, you can explore organizations like the Sibling Support Project, which offers workshops, resources, and communities designed to support siblings of children with medical needs.
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Recommended Books for Siblings
Here’s a list of books that can help siblings cope with their emotions and understand what’s happening when their brother or sister is hospitalized:
1. The Perfect Shelter by Clare Helen Welsh
A story about two sisters navigating one sibling’s illness. It addresses themes of fear, love, and finding hope.
2. When Molly Was in the Hospital: A Book for Brothers and Sisters of Hospitalized Children by Debbie Duncan
This book helps siblings understand what’s happening during a hospital stay and discusses the emotions they may feel.
3. Becky’s Story by the Association for the Care of Children’s Health
This book follows the emotional journey of a sibling dealing with a sudden hospitalization.
4. My Brother Needs an Operation by Anna Marie Jaworski
Written for young siblings, this book explains medical procedures in a way children can understand.
5. Going to the Hospital by Fred Rogers
Fred Rogers offers a gentle, reassuring explanation for children about what happens during a hospital visit.
6. What About Me? When Brothers and Sisters Get Sick by Allan Peterkin
This book explores the complex emotions siblings may experience, from jealousy to fear, and offers ways to help them cope.
7. Someone I Love Is Sick: Helping Very Young Children Cope with Cancer in the Family by Kathleen McCue
A helpful tool for young children whose sibling is battling a serious illness, focusing on emotional comfort.
8. A Special Gift for Mike by M.L. Walkden & B. Congdon
Designed for siblings of premature or ill babies, this book explains hospital care and emotions.
9. Siblings: You’re Stuck with Each Other, So Stick Together by James J. Crist and Elizabeth Verdick
This book offers advice on managing sibling relationships and emotions, including those that arise during illness.
10. The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
This story reassures children that they are always connected to the people they love, even when separated by hospitalization.
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Resources Used
• “The Medical Minute: Supporting Siblings When Brother or Sister is Sick.” Penn State Health News, March 31, 2022. https://pennstatehealthnews.org/.../the-medical-minute...
• “Supporting Siblings of Hospitalized Child.” Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. https://www.chop.edu/.../support-siblings-hospitalized-child
• “Helping Children Cope When Sibling Goes to Hospital.” Gillette Children’s Hospital. https://www.gillettechildrens.org/.../when-brother-or...
• “Sibling Support (Sibling Clubhouse).” Nationwide Children’s Hospital. https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/.../preparing...
• “Supporting Siblings of a Hospitalized Child.” UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital. https://www.ucsfbenioffchildrens.org/.../supporting...
• “Sibling Support Project.” Sibling Support Project. https://siblingsupport.
